Aunt D saves the Day

Attending weddings is aunt D’s  penchant. I know it is a blanket statement. There might be scores like her who love to enjoy being part of this ‘joyous’ affair.  But somehow a wedding invitation unlike other parties fuels her. She acts like one of the bulldogs sniffing the trail all the way from the invitation  to the aisle. “They chose the wrong color of the card. The bride’s jewelry doesn’t go well with her dress. They could have chosen the flower arrangement in a single color instead of this psychedelic display of spring. Looks tacky. The food could have gone with the venue of the wedding. You can’t have Pasta Primavera and Tiramisu in Hawaii when your taste buds were signaling for seafood specialties. What an out of sync wedding!” And so on Sally and so forth Debbie. Why only weddings and not any other function? Simply because weddings are longer affairs and take more planning than any other. More planning means more chances of something going awry. That is where my aunt D steps in.  Now who doesn’t know of such an aunt D or a mother D or a sister D? Many of us who have extended families have one such character that finds great solace in figuring out what is the one thing that went wrong out of the ninety-nine  that went right.

She is not a wedding critic or a connoisseur of parties but she is one of those outspoken persons in her big circle of family and friends that can’t be left out. You have to invite people like them and you just have to take their criticism. She has been part of 6 weddings in our extended family in the past 3 years and have always released her acidity of the mind on someone or something. Because no matter how minutely planned a wedding is, she can still find faults.

However the last wedding that she attended was perfect. Beginning with the locale, which was the sunny Bahamas, the food, in keeping with the island mood; Bahamian stew fish, conch fritters and crab and rice served with Macaroni and cheese. Wild flowers decorated each table and every pillar on the beach. Hugh cushions were set out for the guests and baby pink and white curtained tents with white pearl beads hanging from it transported the guest into heaven. Everything was perfect, even the bride and groom with their pleasing looks and slim figures. A very happy occasion indeed! Until….! Our dear aunt D  happened   standing behind the bride who was  taking the vows and what she saw made her swoon.
A horde of mosquitoes stuck to her beaded chiffon white cape! An alarming number were stationed patiently on the suede pink chair that she was supposed to sit down after the vows.
The critic in her awakened and she opened her mouth to announce that besides the 60 humans gathered there, about 200 or so non-humans decided to grace the occasion. Her eyebrows arched up and her lips curled down following the fashion of the ladies in the soaps that she watches. She did what she usually did in such a situation. She turned her neck and tried to catch the attention of the first person so she can divert that person’s gaze to  the cape of the bride. But the wedding party was more interested in soaking the island sun. So she stretched her hand to hold the bride’s cape high and shoo the flies in the air with a flourish. That way she could everyone’s attention. But aunt D stopped that day. She didn’t do such a thing. She surveyed the guests with a smile, and turning around, picked up a glass of Pina Colada. She poured the sweet liquid into a bunch of flowers and brought it closer to the bride’s cape. Finding juicy  flora, the mosquitoes glided from the cape and landed on the vase which she carried away from the party tables. Aunt Delia, ever the vocal critic, silently helped save the bride some embarrassment. After all, they are just mosquitoes/flaws. Aren’t they everywhere.

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